


A Little More Conversation

by McRaider



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Evan "Buck" Buckley, Athena Grant and Bobby Nash are Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents, BAMF Athena Grant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, F/M, Family Feels, Good Parent Bobby Nash, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, Momma bear Athena Grant, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Athena Grant, Protective Bobby Nash, Trauma, Upset Evan "Buck" Buckley, spoilers 9-1-1 S4 E2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:34:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29049252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McRaider/pseuds/McRaider
Summary: Dr. Copeland suggested that Buck pick one or two people he’d be willing to talk to about his feelings in his ‘family’. She agrees to be present for the conversation as a mediator but encourages him to take the first step.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash
Comments: 31
Kudos: 288
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	A Little More Conversation

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 4x2, in which we learn Evan is seeing a therapist. I have so many feelings (many not good) about how Buck’s been treated on this show lately and I've been struggling with the best way to right the wrongs, while still following the show. This is one story, there will likely be others.   
> I’m not a licensed counselor, but I am a trained one (basically I have the piece of paper that qualifies me for it, I just never took the state exams). I’ve written a whole psychological profile of Evan Buckley, if anyone would like the details lol. I am, however, a neurodivergent. I have ADHD (recently diagnosed) and my wife is autistic, so I know all too well about the issues and symptoms I’ve described here. 

“You remember the assignment?” Dr. Copeland asked kindly, giving her patient a firm but gentle reminder. 

“You want me to pick someone I’d like to have on my next session, and to tell them how I feel,” Buck repeated, he couldn’t deny the thought of it made his stomach churn. What if he told them how he felt and they shut him down, called his feelings meaningless, or worse, turned their backs on him. 

“Evan,” it was rare that she called him by his given name, but she’d promised she’d only ever use it to really get his attention and this was no different. Her voice pulled him from his anxiety-ridden thoughts. “Listen to me, Buck. You have no control over what they do or say, all you can do is be open and honest with them. I promise you, from what I’ve heard of your family, these aren’t the sort of people who are likely to turn you away, okay?” 

Evan gave her a solemn nod over the video conference, “Doesn’t make it any less terrifying,” he murmured. 

She smiled sadly, “I know it doesn’t. No one said therapy would be easy. You came to me because you wanted someone to talk to about everything you were feeling.” 

“And you told me that it wouldn’t be an internal conversation forever,” he recalled. 

She nodded, “Exactly. Think it over, the decision is of course up to you. Send me the person or people’s contact information before our next session if you decide you want me to be there. Otherwise, let me know how it goes. Buck, no matter what you decide, even if it’s not to say anything yet, I’m proud of you for even thinking about it, okay?” Dr. Copeland had assessed very early on in her sessions with Evan Buckley that what he needed most was to hear how strong he was and what hard work he did. The young man had notoriously low self-esteem, and based on what he’d said about his parents, she knew why. So she made sure to give him small and big affirmations every time they spoke, whatever he needed to build up his self-esteem.

Buck didn’t reply at first, he just sat there, “I’m important,” he finally whispered. She had to hold back her excited cheer, that was a huge breakthrough for the younger man. 

“Yes, yes you are, Buck. You are so important. I’ll see you on Friday?” 

“Yeah, thank you.” With the last wave, he shut his laptop and set it beside him. She’d described it as a volcano when they’d first met. He’d had all these terrible things happen to him, and he just kept every single piece of it bottled up, and at first, it had been fine, he’d have small explosions: quitting his job, then suing the city, before normalizing again for a while. It was just enough pressure released that it allowed him to continue functioning, but never feel entirely whole. Then Abby returned, she’d been the final catalyst to his self-loathing misery, he’d called a helpline in a desperate plea for someone to save him. The guy who’d answered had been a patient of Dr. Copeland’s, and by the end of it he’d given Buck her number. 

Now he’d been going to sessions with her, first in person, then virtually for the past nine months. Everyone seemed to think he was dating someone, and he was content keeping it to himself, he needed to feel whole again. But sitting there, at the end of his bed, staring at the floor, all he felt was dread. 

The dread of bringing up past hurts, of rehashing old arguments, and most of all admitting to the people he loved most in the world, that they had irrefutably let him down and that he'd lied all along and said he was fine. Familiar words echoed in his brain: ‘ _ you’re exhausting _ ’. It had become a mantra for nearly a year until the doctor had pointed out the obvious. 

_ ‘If he really cares about you, then he didn’t mean it. That’s not how friendship and family works. We’re always here to listen to one another, no matter how exhausted we as individuals are.’  _

He’d considered talking to Eddie first, they’d gotten back to a normal friendship again, but then Eddie had said something that left Buck feeling like maybe he wasn’t the right person. Despite brushing Eddie’s ‘ _ At least it isn’t a tsunami’  _ comment off, Buck couldn’t deny that it had cut far too deep for his comfort. Eddie had basically compared any future traumas to something that had almost completely crippled Buck, had left him sleepless for nights on end, fifty pounds lighter and on the brink of suicide, did that mean Buck wasn’t allowed to feel overwhelmed and scared in any future situations unless they were equally as traumatic? Dr. Copeland had said it was a callous and thoughtless comment from a man who didn’t consider his own feelings, much less those of people he cared about. 

So Buck had set his eyes on someone else, he wanted to tell Bobby and Athena. He knew how much they had going on, all the stress they’d felt of late, but they were the closest things to parents he had and he was desperate to reclaim that relationship. Things hadn’t been the same since the lawsuit. Maybe they’d healed enough for Bobby not to worry, but it wasn’t the same level of trust and love that it had once been and it was the relationship Buck missed the most. 

Buck had the next day off, and he knew that both Athena and Bobby did as well, Buck wasn’t entirely sure how to start the conversation, nor was he sure if it would be the whole conversation without the therapist or if he’d wait until she was available to pull her in. All he did know was he found himself standing at their front door around ten the next morning, nervously shifting from one foot to the other, a million thoughts scrambling through his mind. The Adderall the doctor had prescribed him did help calm his thoughts some, but at the moment his anxiety was at an all-time high. 

One of the first things Dr. Copeland had done was to ask Buck about how his mind worked, how he processed emotions, how he organized things. Buck was confused, until nearly two weeks and four sessions later, Dr. Copeland suggested he had ADHD. 

_ “I thought only kids got that?”  _

_ Dr. Copeland chuckled and shook her head, “I’m afraid not, it’s a common myth, ADHD isn’t some sort of child illness, and it’s not just a boy’s disease. It’s the wiring in your brain. You’re what we call: neurodiverse, someone who isn’t ADHD would be neurotypical.”  _

_ “Is it... I mean if it’s brain wiring it’s not fixable right?” He asked her in confusion.  _

_ Dr. Copeland put her pen and paper down, “It isn’t curable, you’ll have it your whole life, and you’ve already had it your whole life based on what you’d told me. Your inability to sit still for example as a little boy, to blurt things out like your feelings and thoughts quickly, that's your brain processing quicker than everyone else. When you research things and become hyper-focused, as you did after the tsunami, that’s also a piece of it. Also, those feelings you mentioned, that overwhelm you and leave you wishing you could scream and cry all at once, those aren’t a weakness, Buck. It's ADHD. Emotional dysregulation is a huge part of ADHD. When you feel scattered, over overwhelmed that’s all the ADHD, it’s also why your brain has a constant stream of thoughts going through it.” She paused and smiled for a moment, “Think of it like you’ve got the engine of a Ferrari, big, beautiful and it can process things a hundred times faster while others are left in the dust, but your wheels are bicycle tires.”  _

_ “That’s...shitty,” he replied.  _

_ She chuckled, “Isn’t it though. Buck, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You aren’t overly emotional, you aren’t weird, you don’t get obsessed, you aren’t slower, or dumber than people, you aren’t childish any of those things you’ve heard in the past. What you are is unique. Your brain doesn’t work like the rest of the world. And unfortunately, we live in a world that seems to think those who are different are disabled, rather than encouraging them to be whole.”  _

_ “So...I’m not broken?”  _

_ “No, Evan. You are not broken. And, even if you were, everyone's a little broken sometimes. Now, like I said it isn’t curable. You’ll have it forever. But it is manageable, I’m recommending we start you on a low dose of Adderall, we usually start people around 10 mg. We’ll see how it helps and we can up it if needed. I’ll call your doctor and make the recommendation if you’re okay with that.” She’d explained that because she wasn’t a Psychiatrist she couldn’t write the prescription, but she could consult with his doctor, and if the doctor agreed he could write the prescription. Another two weeks later and Buck was being medicated for the first time and learning what it felt like to be on an even keel.  _

Buck had to admit the difference he saw on the medication was night and day. When he wasn’t on the medication he felt like he was everywhere, scatterbrained and exhausted. Everything felt overwhelming. But now, he felt like he could focus on each task as it came. He didn’t fully understand how that worked, but he was incredibly grateful for once to have an answer.

Buck wasn’t sure how long he’d stood in front of their door before he finally knocked. He took in a deep breath, closing his eyes he counted to ten as he let it out. Dr. Copeland had been teaching him calming techniques and she’d even taught him meditation, though he hadn’t told anyone about that yet. But he meditated every night before bed and it helped him sleep better. 

The door opened right after he opened his eyes and he was faced with Athena, who gave him a warm smile, “Hey baby, what’re you doing here?” She asked as she stepped forward out of her house and wrapped him in a warm hug. 

Buck instantly wrapped his arms around her in return, letting her warmth and love fill him up to the brim. He and Athena had gotten a little closer lately, sharing their respective traumas. He’d opened up to her about how terrified he’d been getting back on the rig the first day back and she’d admitted she was scared too. It was the first either of them had ever spoken about their respective traumas. Buck hadn’t ever told anyone else and he didn’t think Athena had either. 

Athena felt the tension in her boy, and rubbed his back, “You okay?” she asked when they finally straightened and stepped apart. She could see the fear in those baby blues and it pained her to know she was afraid to talk to her or Bobby about anything. 

“Can I talk to you and Bobby? Would...would that be okay?” 

Athena chewed on the ‘you’re not suing us are you’ reply that came to mind, swallowing it down, she could tell whatever this was, it was important enough that it didn’t warrant a sarcastic remark, joking or otherwise. “Of course, come on in,” she replied as she stepped back and let him inside. 

“Bobby, Buck’s here,” she called out as she led the younger man toward the kitchen where Bobby was washing up from breakfast. 

“Hey Buck, to what do we owe this visit?” Bobby asked with his familiar smile, eyes sparkling. “Do you want some coffee?” 

Buck debated it for a moment, he’d been surprised when Dr. Copeland had told him part of the reason he never got jittery off coffee was also due to ADHD. Apparently, it calmed the mind and focused the body for people like him. “Yeah, please,” he finally settled as he took a seat. He could see Bobby and Athena both glancing at one another, no doubt wondering what travesty he was about to bring to their doorstep this time. 

_ ‘No, Buck. You’re important, you matter. They’re worried about you, not what grief you’ll cause them’  _ his internal monologue supplied gently. He took in another slow breath and let it out again, hoping it would settle his nerves, he felt a little less shaky, but not much else. A mug was set in front of him, and a pair of petite hands gently gripped his left wrist. He glanced over at Athena, who was patiently studying him from where she’d sat down. 

Buck turned as he felt the air shift and saw Bobby take a seat at his other side. “Whatever’s going on, we’ll deal with it. We’re here Buckaroo, take your time,” Athena encouraged as if knowing that whatever he had to say was important but terrifying. 

He felt the familiar sting of tears behind his eyes and gave her a small smile, he felt his nerves settle a little more, like an angry burn being covered in aloe. Looking down at his coffee, he nodded, “I’ve…” he paused, suddenly the idea of admitting just how bad things had gotten was terrifying. He considered calling Dr. Copeland, she’d told him that today was a paperwork day and that if he needed it he could call in an emergency. Closing his eyes, he could help the tears that slid down his cheeks, and missed the look of alarm Bobby shot Athena. 

“Evan,” Bobby’s voice pulled the young man from his thoughts, baby blues opened to meet hazel eyes. “Whatever it is, son. We’re here.” 

It took every ounce of willpower that Buck had not to openly start sobbing right there. He bit his lip before he shook his head, “I’m sorry, I...I need a second,” he whispered before he stood and hurried into the bathroom, leaving behind two very concerned surrogate parents. 

Once in the bathroom, hands shaking he pulled out his cellphone, the two letters he’d written seven months earlier falling to the floor from where he’d stuffed them in with his phone. He dialed the familiar number shakily. 

“Dr. Copeland speaking,” the woman answered. 

“I…” Buck sobbed as he covered his face, he was so scared he’d lose them again, he couldn’t be alone. 

“Buck, listen to me,” Dr. Copeland spoke in a soothing tone, one she used to calm all her patients, “Whatever it is, we’ll walk through it together, you aren’t alone.” 

He nodded, even though she couldn’t see it, “I want to tell them, but...I’m so scared,” he whimpered. 

“Buck, Bobby and Athena are  _ not  _ your parents. They will not judge you for getting help, they will not disparage you for needing help when you’re in crisis,” she assured the younger man over the phone. She’d known Buck would likely talk to Bobby and Athena today, she’d also known it would be them. The boy was predictable if nothing else. She pulled up her laptop, turning it on. “How about this, I’m going to pull up my laptop, give me one of their emails, I’ll send them a link for a session and all of us can talk, I can tell them what brought you to me if that’s what you want?” 

He whimpered, “Please,” he choked out. 

At some point, she’d have to get the young man to admit he’d almost killed himself, that he’d been mere moments from downing a stash of pain pills. But today wasn’t that day. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do, you give me the email address, I’ll send a link, then I want you to stand up, take a few deep breaths, then go back out there, you can hand whoever you trust the phone. I will briefly introduce myself and advise them on how to get to the link. We’ll have a session together.” 

“You’ll tell them about that night?” He asked, wiping the tears from his cheeks. 

“Buck, I will not tell them anything unless you say it’s okay. I’m your therapist, your privacy and confidentiality is first. I’m not offering to divulge anything, I’m offering to meditate, that’s it. I can tell them as little or as much as you’re comfortable with me telling them,” she promised. 

“I brought the notes,” he told her honestly as he picked them up. “Will you tell them, they can read them then?” 

“If that’s what you want then yes, I will tell them the very basics,” she assured. 

He nodded again before he let out a shaking breath, “I’ll give you to Bobby, he’s more likely not to get snappy.” 

Dr. Copeland chuckled, “That sounds good. Deep breath, Buck. You can do this.” 

Taking one final nervous breath, he stood, and opened the door, he wasn’t surprised to see Bobby standing there, hand poised to knock. “Hey, you okay?” Bobby asked. 

Buck shook his head no and handed Bobby the phone, “Please listen?” was all he requested. 

Giving the younger man a quizzical look, Bobby accepted the phone, “Hello?” he asked. 

A soft feminine voice greeted him, “Hello Captain Nash, my name is Dr. Copeland--” 

“Oh god, please tell me he’s not sick,” Bobby whispered, he wasn’t sure he could handle seeing his kid go through another hellish situation. 

She chuckled, “I assure you, Captain, Buck is in perfect physical health as far as I can tell. I’m a psychologist and I’ve been seeing your boy for the better part of seven months,” she explained. Bobby’s mind was whirling at that information. Buck hadn’t said a word to any of them. “What I’d like to do is send you an email with a link to it, it’s a private and secure connection that will allow me to meet you and your wife face to face, and offer Buck some support as he explains the reason for his visit today. Would that be all right?” 

“Yes! Of course, let me grab my computer,” he replied as he walked into the bedroom. When he came back out, Athena had Buck back at the kitchen table and she’d scooted closer to him, rubbing his back. She wasn’t speaking, but her head was resting on Buck’s head, which was on her shoulder, and Bobby could tell there was plenty of silent communication going on. She was being a momma. Setting the laptop down in front of their small family, he made quick work of going to his email, finding the link and pulling it up. 

“Great, I see you in the virtual waiting room, I’ll hang up with you now, and let you in, and we can talk face to face.” 

“Thank you,” Bobby replied as he hung up the phone, a moment later a friendly-looking woman appeared on the screen facing them. Bobby scooted his chair a little closer to Buck, hoping he wouldn’t feel closed in, they could always move later if he did. 

The woman sighed and grinned, “There you are, that’s so much better. I take it you’re Captain Nash,” the woman said pointing to Bobby first, “And you’re his wife Athena Grant?” she said pointing to Athena. 

Athena glanced at Bobby who just nodded in reply, “You can just call me Bobby,” Bobby corrected. 

The doctor was no fool, she noted Athena hadn’t made the same offer, she didn’t trust easily. “Excellent, I’m Dr. Copeland, though most of my patients and their families call me Carrie. But whatever you’re comfortable with is fine, Evan has been calling me Dr. Copeland for a while now.” The woman’s eyes settled on the man with hunched shoulders sitting between the two older individuals. His body language was screaming defeat, she could practically hear his internal voice screaming at how pathetic he was. “Buck, would you like to tell them or do you want me to start?” 

Buck looked up at her for a moment, “I…” 

Athena and Bobby each gripped one of Buck’s hands, “Hey,” Bobby said, catching Buck’s attention “Whatever it is, it’s not going to change how we look at you.” 

Buck looked up at Bobby, then at Athena, before finally reaching back and pulling out the two letters he’d written. “It might...I wrote these…” Buck sighed, “Well, in fairness I actually wrote these shortly after I returned to the 118, before...things got better. But...I came to Dr. Copeland...when…” He sighed, “I still can’t say it, doc.” 

The woman nodded, “That’s just fine, I can tell them if you’d like,” she paused, waiting for a short nervous nod from Buck before she began as both Athena and Bobby took their respective letters. “Evan came to me seven months ago when he was referred to me by a crisis hotline,” two sets of shocked eyes looked up at her, before looking back at Buck. 

“Crisis, as in…” Bobby began, his mouth shutting as he couldn’t quite form the words himself, nausea filled him as he looked down at the letter and realized just how close he’d probably come to losing another child. 

“I was going to take a bottle of pain pills I had leftover from the fire truck explosion. I...I don’t even know why I called honestly,” he murmured. 

Bobby’s hands were shaking as he tried to grip the letter before finally he set it down and pressed his hands flush to the table, he could feel his breath quickening. This moment wasn’t about him, hell none of this was about him, but all he could think was the sheer terror and devastation he felt at the very idea of this kid not being in his world. 

Athena, on the other hand, had her hand over his mouth as her eyes traced over the letter, it was so rare that she cried, and she was certain she’d never done it in front of Buck. But as she read over the words written by her ‘eldest’ her heart was weeping, and in turn, she couldn’t stop the tear that slid down her cheek. Reaching out, her hand found one of Buck’s, before she looked up at him, and took in a sharp breath, “I am so glad you did call,” she whispered. If her voice shook, no one noticed.

Bobby couldn’t speak, the lump in his throat was firmly lodged where he couldn’t possibly get it out. It ached in a way he’d only ever felt once before, at the loss of his two babies. He couldn’t bring himself to read the letter, the idea that he’d been the reason his boy had decided he wanted out. 

“Bobby, I’m sorry,” Buck whispered, desperate for his surrogate father to not be angry, to not hate him for the bad choice he’d nearly made. 

Bobby’s head shot up, tears sliding down his cheeks, “What on earth have you got to be sorry for?” he choked. He looked back down at the letter before rubbing his index and thumb over his eyes. He took in a deep breath before letting it out and looking back at his kid. “I’m the one who should be sorry. Because at some point you stopped feeling like you could come to me, talk to me about what was going on, what was bothering you and that’s entirely on me.” Bobby murmured. God, how had they gone so far off course? How did this man in front of him not understand how important he was to Bobby. 

Buck looked up at Dr. Copeland who smiled, “Part of what Buck and I have recently started working on is his ability to hide his real feelings from the people around him. From what I’ve been told about your pseudo-family, it sounds like while everyone thinks Buck is an open book, but he’s a bit more tight-lipped than he’d have you believe. Buck would like to work on that, and maybe one day tell you why it’s like that. But part of why he’s here today, and why ultimately I’m having this session with you as well, is to help mediate and facilitate the conversation. Buck does need to talk about his feelings, but his fear is that they won’t be heard,” she paused her eyes shifting back to Buck, “Is that correct, Buck?” 

“Yeah,” he offered in reply, his face still staring down at the tabletop. 

Dr. Copeland could see the emotions on both Athena and Bobby’s faces were far more aligned with a parent’s love than that of co-workers and friends. This kid had absolutely no idea how loved he was and he was so terrified to ask for fear of hearing the worst.“Buck, I know you’re scared and maybe have a lot of feelings right now, but remember what I always tell you?” she asked in a gentle voice. 

He slowly looked up, squaring his shoulders a bit more, rather than letting them sag, “I’m important and I...I’m not exhausting,” he replied, his voice still painfully quiet. 

“Good,” Dr. Copeland encouraged. 

Buck looked between Athena and Bobby, trying to gauge how they’d handle everything he was about to say. Instead of seeing contempt, anger, or frustration in those eyes, all he saw was love, endless compassion and a desire to make things right. He had to believe they were different, otherwise what had it all been for?

“Where do I start?” he asked looking back at Dr. Copeland. 

“Well, that’s up to you, you can start anywhere really, but if it makes it easiest for your head and the processing of the emotions, start at the beginning,” she encouraged. 

He nodded, pausing as he tried to remember when things had started going especially wrong. “Um...I guess I’ll start with why I didn’t seek a therapist out before this,” he offered as he rubbed his hands together. “Bobby knows this, but I don't think you do, Athena. Uh...I slept with my previous therapist. The one Bobby sent me to after that kid died on the roller coaster.” 

Athena’s brows raised, “Wait a minute,” she shook her head, she looked at Bobby, “Did you report that?” 

Bobby nodded, “She no longer works with the city,” he replied. 

Athena shook her head, “No, not good enough. Buck went there with only trust and need in mind, he sure as hell didn’t go to get used and tossed aside.” 

“I consented…” Buck began. 

Athena looked over at him, “Did you?” She asked, “Tell me, did you walk into that office thinking of sex?” 

“No,” Buck replied. 

“And when you were done what was her reply?” Dr. Copeland encouraged Buck. 

Buck shifted, “She said I shouldn’t tell anyone because she’d get in trouble.” 

Athena shook her head, “That woman shouldn’t be counseling anyone, much less the city. She needs to have her damn license revoked.” 

Bobby’s brows came together in confusion, “I’m not sure I understand.” 

Dr. Copeland spoke this time, “It is ethically inappropriate for any therapist to have a relationship outside of counseling sessions with a patient and as soon as one occurs the patient needs to be referred to someone else. Buck was apparently friended on Facebook by this therapist before their session even started. She also happens to have quite the record of manipulating the men who come to her into sex, you can be assured, Sargeant Grant, she’s no longer a counselor. As soon as Buck told me what happened I turned her in for ethical misconduct.” 

“It’s Athena,” she replied, before nodding, “Good.” 

Bobby shook his head, “I failed you at every step didn’t I?” he asked softly, horror and pain written on his face. 

“NO!” Buck shouted, surprising even himself, he sighed, his shoulders sagging again, “I…you’re better than my actual parents.” He never spoke about them, Bobby only knew they were alive based on a few comments Maddie had made. But as a whole, the Buckley children never brought their parents up. In fact, the more Bobby thought about it, the more he realized none of them knew much about Buck before he came to the LAFD, only a few details, otherwise, he’d never talk about it. And yet he listened and gave so quickly and easily, expecting nothing in return. 

And they’d called him selfish and childish for suing. Bobby suddenly hated himself and his crew a little more. 

“Buck, may I step in for a minute?” Dr. Copeland asked. Once again she waited in silence until he nodded, taking a deep breath she looked to Bobby. “Bobby, no parent is perfect, ever. From what Buck has said you are a wonderful and loving father. You can’t be right all the time, and in fairness as much as Buck may see you as a father figure, you aren’t his real father. You don’t know his entire history, you have no idea of the traumas he’s had to deal with, which is not your fault or his, it just is what it is. Evan has never had a real father figure, he doesn’t really know what a good father looks like, he can see what one looks like from afar, but having never directly experienced that, any affection looks and feels like enough when you’ve been touch starved for so long,” Dr. Copeland explained. “Neither of you is to blame, you can’t possibly know what someone needs if they don’t tell you and in turn, Buck can’t expect his needs to be met if he isn’t willing to ask. As upset as you may feel right now, I encourage you to be kind to yourself. What’s happened in the past is now in the past. Make today the moment things change for the better.” 

Bobby felt his heartache and he wished he could steal baby Buck away from his hurts and pains before they’d ever occurred. “I’m sorry, Buck, I want to be better,” Bobby promised. 

“I know, and Dr. Copeland has told me that you can’t improve unless you know how things make me feel,” Buck explained.

Dr. Copeland smirked at that, while Bobby grinned outright, “Sounds like you’ve found a good therapist then,” Bobby replied. 

Buck couldn’t help but smile at that as he nodded, “She is. Um, things got bad obviously once I was crushed by the ladder truck. I...I had nightmares constantly, sometimes I was being crushed...other times one of the team was. You guys were there for me a lot during those six months, I think it was really the first time I felt like maybe I wasn’t just your employee. But…” Buck shrugged for a minute, “I am just your employee and I hate it...and then you tell me it isn’t a family, and Eddie says I’m selfish and exhausting and it all felt like I was being...pushed away again. I was angry but more than that...I wasn’t surprised,” Buck explained as he finally glanced over at Bobby. “My own parents hated me, why should you be any different.” 

Bobby gripped one of Buck’s hands in his, “Buck, look at me,” he waited until the blue eyes met his, “Family doesn’t end in blood, kid. You’re right, maybe biologically you aren’t my boy,” Bobby gave him a sad look, “Then again maybe I’m glad you’re not because you could’ve died in the fire too. But Buck…” Bobby looked back down at the note, “I don’t need to read what’s in this letter to know how you feel, because I feel the same.” When he could see the confusion in Buck’s eyes, Bobby considered his words for another minute, before continuing. “Freddie may have been coming after me, but you’ll never know how grateful I am that he didn’t realize just how important you are to me, because if he found the absolute perfect way to make me suffer the way he had. He put my kid in danger, my boy. He hurt my kid, he hurt you.” 

Buck felt the tear tickling its way down his nose, as he looked up at Bobby, “You mean that?” 

Bobby swallowed past the slight lump that had once again formed in his throat at the thought of losing this man. “Evan,” his voice was quiet, the word so unfamiliar coming from Bobby’s mouth. “Kid, watching you being crushed by that truck, not being able to get you out...then…” Bobby paused, his own emotions rapidly getting the better of him as his eyes started to burn with the threat of tears. “I watc--watched you cough up blood, less than a foot away from me,” he sobbed as he closed his eyes. He could see the images every time he shut his eyes, sometimes it still haunted his dreams. “Then when I learned you were in the tsunami…” He ran his hand over his face before he looked back at the boy. “I didn’t keep you away from the job because I didn’t trust you, or think you were ready. I kept you away because the idea of putting you back on that truck made me sick. The thought that I could still lose you just from a stupid little preventable accident,” he sobbed again, once more covering his face with his free hand. Bobby took in a shaky breath, he owed Buck an explanation, if nothing else. “You were right to sue me and the department and your attorney was right; there was a distinct appearance of favoritism and unfair treatment toward you and the rest of the team. But it wasn’t because I care or trust them more…” he looked down at the paper before him, one of the tears falling and blurring Buck’s name at the bottom of the letter. “I wasn’t talking about Athena when I said I’m tired of being on the wrong side of those hospital doors. I can’t...I can’t lose another son, Evan.” He sobbed, this time he covered his face with both his hands as he tried desperately to curtail the wave of emotions that were rapidly descending on him. 

A strong pair of arms wrapped around Bobby’s shoulders, Buck stood and shifted so that he could hug the man he considered to be his father. He held him tight as he buried his own face in Bobby’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, you deserved better treatment, fairer treatment. But,” Bobby turned and looked at his boy. “I love you so much sometimes, that it feels like I can’t breathe whenever you walk into a situation and put your life at risk without a thought. You once told me I was one of the most important people in your life and I couldn’t fathom how to reply because all I could think was this great kid deserves someone better than an ex-addict who was emotionally constipated.” 

Buck let out a wet laugh as he continued to hug Bobby. Bobby shifted enough in his arms to draw the younger man into a full hug, Bobby held him close, like he’d wished he’d done so many times in the past year and a half. He pressed a gentle kiss to the side of the man’s head, suddenly unconcerned with the idea of this man being his subordinate. “There are only two things that would break me, Buck. Losing my wife again, or losing my kids, and you’re definitely among that second one.” 

Dr. Copeland smiled as she watched, she looked at Athena, writing a short note that she felt they could manage the rest of the conversation from here. Nodding, Athena signed them out of the session and closed the laptop. Before she stood and joined the hug between Bobby and Buck. She pressed a kiss to the top of Buck’s head. “Baby, I’m sorry you ever doubted we loved you, but you are most certainly our eldest child.” 

Buck glanced up, tilting his head back, to which Athena dropped a kiss on his forehead. “Thanks, mom,” Buck murmured. 

Athena didn’t know or particularly care how long the three sat or stood in their hug. When they did finally pull apart, Bobby far more composed, and Buck as well, the three took their seats back. “I felt so forgotten,” Buck admitted quietly, even after everything had been resolved. I felt like I had to push myself and constantly be fine otherwise you’d sideline me again.” 

“I’m sorry, Buck. I really am, I think I was trying to protect myself from that pain again. I never should’ve treated you like that, and I promise I will try harder to treat you like the others at work. Although, I hope you’ll understand if I keep treating you like my son outside of work.” 

“God please,” whispered Buck with a wet smile. 

Athena smiled at the two men before she stood and walked out of the room, Buck watched her briefly, before he looked back at Bobby. “Promise me, next time, you’ll come to me, please?” Bobby requested. “I know we aren’t always going to get along, but...I need you kid. I need you alive and healthy and I need you to know you can ask for help once in a while.” 

Buck nodded, “I promise.” 

When Athena returned she held a small rectangular box in her hands, wrapped up like a present. “We were going to wait for your birthday, but I think this is as good a time as any,” Athena admitted as she looked over at her husband who gave her a pleased smile and nodded, agreeing with the sentiment. 

Buck’s brows furrowed as she put the box in front of her eldest, “Before you open it, we have absolutely no expectations, if you don’t want it, we can return it...so to speak,” she offered, though she knew based on the conversation today, that was incredibly unlikely. 

Pulling the ribbon loose, Buck slid the lid off of it and gasped at what lay inside. A document lay inside, sitting on a bed of tissue paper. At the top of the first page, it read: Adoption Agreement between Adult Adoptee and Adoptive Parent with parties jointly petitioning the court.

“What…” Buck whispered as he picked up the form and stared at it in shock, they’d already filled out the forms, including Buck’s name, birthday, and even his social security number. “You...this is a joke,” he whispered looking at them. 

“No Buck,” Bobby promised, as he flipped to the final page, pointing at the signatures that had been dated almost two months before. “It’s not a joke, we’re serious. Maddie’s told us the struggles you guys have had with your folks, she also admitted that while she can manage, she thinks this would be wonderful for you. This would legally make you our child. It would sever all ties to your biological parents. You’d be ours...Athena’s and mine.” 

Buck looked at each of them before he looked down at the paperwork, “I…” he swallowed a few times trying to figure out what to say. “I…” He let out a half cry half-laugh as he nodded, “Please,” he whispered. 

Bobby pulled the man close again and hugged him once more. He knew they’d have to keep talking, there were still issues to fix, and Buck definitely needed to talk to the rest of the team, but for now, Buck was safe, he was alive and most of all he was right where he belonged. “I love you, son,” Bobby offered softly. 

**Author's Note:**

> And finally, yes you can actually adopt a grown adult in the US. It's primarily used to pass on inheritances to someone with no kids, but it is in fact totally possible.


End file.
